"I Saved you Gwen"

"AKKKK!"

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Scene from the revelation in Spidey 512:

Peter is listening to MJ tell him the whole sordid story and he has a grip on the wall by the window.

He mumbles to Mary Jane "Did she say....Did she say if she'd ever.... If he was the first man to...."

Mary Jane says "Well, you know Gwen, she just loved everybody...."

Then Pete tears up the bedroom.

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When the idiotic plot line that Norman Osborne was the father of Gwen's twins came out, some guy on a web posting lamented something like "Norman Osborne? Pete, Harry, Magneto, Dr. Doom, even IRVING FORBUSH, anybody but Norman Osborne!"

Well, heres what it would have looked like: Honest Irv scores.

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Archie has been going with Betty and Veronica for the past 1000 years. Neither age. The Archie series is timeless and fun to read.

Lets see what Straczynski would have done with it.

Betty makes out with Mr. Lodge when she visited him. Seduced by his power and charm, she simply couldn't resist him. She gets pregnant. She flees to Europe and stays at one of Mr. Lodges Mansions in France.

After delivering the twins she returns to Riverdale. There they find out Jughead has food poisoning from eating something at Mr. Lodge's mansion. To avoid embarrassment Mr. Lodge refuses to let him be taken to a hospital. Archie, Veronica, and Betty all do what they can for Jughead.

Betty and Mr. Lodge have an argument over the kids. Betty eventually says she'll run to Archie, kids and all. Veronica overhears. Betty confesses to Veronica, Veronica goes in and slaps her Daddy.

Mr. Lodge puts a hit out on Betty.

Betty and Archie are walking down a street in Riverdale. Betty decides it is time to let Archie know she has a problem. They are crossing Riverdale Bridge when two thugs in goblin Halloween masks jump out and attack. Archie tries to defend Betty but accidentally knocks her off the bridge. She breaks her neck in the shallow water below. The thugs flee, mission accomplished. Archie feels guilty about this for the rest of his life.

Nobody but Veronica and Mr. Lodge know about the twins that are over in France. Mr. Lodge decides he'll let the kids grow up thinking that Archie killed their mother.

Archie marries Veronica, to Mr. Lodge's objections, but he's got his assassins in training over in France. He'll wait. Archie will never become his heir. Jughead goes berserk for some unknown reason and dies. Must've been something he ate. Reggie joins the Army.

After being married for many years, Archie receives an old letter written by Betty............................................

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If you read or have read my Gwen Stacy fiction on the My Gwen page, then you will know how Gwen's and the Captain's life together ends. When some of my friends read the emailed version, they expressed concern about the Captain dieing. In order to stop them from worrying that I had gone further over the edge, I wrote this email to them. They found it amusing.

It was originally mailed in two parts: the death and the return. This is both parts put together to make one story.

You see, Gwen Stacy is the star of all these stories, and the rest is just supporting cast. If, say, Cap outlived Gwen (Ginny Stewart) he would have become very depressed and pined away some time later. It would have been ugly and not a pretty story. Gwen would not have been happy knowing that would happen, and would have not died peacefully. Cap going in combat was the proper way, and it could have been ...

"Man, they worked him over!"

"Yeah,and I hope they get indigestion! I told Cap not to carry a bottle of bar bee quoo sauce on him. When Havoc hit him, it broke and drove them orcs into a frenzy. Wuzzunt nothing we could do. They had him eat before he hit the ground."

Bently picked up a gnawed horse shoe. "Wow, they got his horse too!"

"Stuff splattered everywhere. Got the men on either side and even a few Orcs. They was munching like crazed hippies on good dope. Nobody stood a chance. I could hear Havoc haw hawing from clear over on the other side of the battlefield."

"The good thing was, tin britches was so doubled up with laughter that he wasn't able to control his army. Thats why we kicked his ass."

"Whos gonna tell the Captain's wife?" CB asked.

"Oh hell no!"

"No way!"

"Unh uh!"

Bently laughed in spite of it all.

"Yeah, I can see this! 'Hey Ginny, yer old man got eaten by orcs because a bar-b-que sauce bottle in his backpack exploded in combat!' It'd be hysterical."

Jasper, Roth Oden, Jack Ogre-Taunt and the others roared with laughter.

"Lets tell her! Yeah!"

Farenfarr rolled his eyes and got control of the situation.

"Boys, we'll make up some story about how he was wounded and all, died peacefully in that field someplace, and we found him undisturbed the next day. It'll be better for her."

"Maybe" Jasper said, "but it'd be damn funny to see her face if we told her how he really went."

C.B. took the Captain's banner from the helpless and snickering flag bearer. The guy kept mumbling "et by orcs with bar-b-que sauce. Hee hee hee!"

"Yeah, she'll want this, and this guy aint in no shape to give it to her."

"Remember, he was wounded, his horse carried him out of the fight, and he died quietly in the field," Farenfarr instructed, "No jokes, and Ginny doesn't know what really happened."

Giggling a bit, they rode toward the portal. Some of the troops in the field pointed and laughed among themselves, then went back to their business of stripping armor off the dead, making sure the enemy troops were really dead, and burying their own. At least the battle was won..."

Kap

second installment

Farenfarr sat in his favorite chair before the fire, smoking his pipe and
reading a book. All was peaceful and quiet. His house-elves had retired for
the night and left him in the solitude of his tower front room.

The Captain's wife, Ginny, had been upset by what they had told her, but
probably not as upset as she would have been if they had told her the truth:
Cap was eaten alive by Orcs after a bottle of bar-b-que sauce in his pack
exploded in combat.
No, they told her he had died quietly in a field after his horse got him out
of the combat where he had been mortally wounded.
Even Farenfarr couldn't supress a chuckle. Coated liberally with bar b que
sauce and eaten by ravenous, beserk Orcs. Man, what an embarrassing way to
go!
They had been very gentle to the woman.
Now things were returning to normal and Farenfarr had to figure out what
other deviltry that monster Havoc was up to.
He had just started enjoying his book when a persistant knock came on his
front door.
"Now who in tarnation could that be? And at his hour?"
Farenfarr put the book down and picked up his sword, just in case. He opened
the door.

Much to his surprise there stood Cap! What was left of his clothes were in
tatters, and he had bite marks all over him, and generally looked like hell,
but there he stood! He reeked of bar-b-que sauce.
Shocked, Farenfarr took two steps backward.
"Back vile spirit!:" he yelled, and held up his sword.
Cap just looked at him angrily.
"Spirit my ass!" he said and walked up to Farenfarr.
"Cap! You're alive!"
"Okay, old man, what did you guys do with my helmet and what in hell did you
tell my wife?!!"

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